Pollo Stimulus Package

As part of the stimulus package you can bring all your pollos(chickens)to the closest welfare office and claim their winter clothing, which promises to keep them warm and tasty for the spring. President Obama said something about it, but frankly no one was paying attention, specially after president Obama is no longer considered a "cool" celebrity (polls show that president Obama is now placed just right below Barney the dinosaur). Regardless, some consider this idea quite fantastic. Farmer from Indiana shares his relief after he no longer has to worry about his chickens freezing during winter. Some specialists agree how the economy is going to overshoot after all pollos in America get their coats.

PETA advocates claim that this suits might not be stylish enough for the chickens, and that this is cruel to make them wear such "ugly costumes." Here is a picture of the chicken's winter clothing in debate.



Republicans, on the other hand, are worried about immigrant chickens taking advantage of this situation and they are determined to revoke this part of the stimulus. Senator John McCain, from Texas, told Cerdo Times that if he saw any of this "buffoon-dressed" chickens in his property he would "shoot them with my(his)laser gun." He also accused the plan of being "unmoral" and "unconstitutional."


Japanese chicken taking advantage of American tax payers

On an interview, one of the pollos told Cerdo Times: "bock,bock,bock,bock,bock,begowwwwk" with joy.

New Trend in American Pets

Recently, American people have become more and more busy. People have to go to school, work at McDonald's, work somewhere that is not McDonald's, have lunch, have dinner, use the restroom, etc...rather overwhelming. This has lead Americans to seek for the ultimate pet that can give them love and companionship, but that does not need to be taken out for walks ALL the time.



This search for the ultimate pet has come to an end with new breeds of sophisticated pets that do not need to be taken out for walks; adipose dogs. Some celebrities have been seen trying to take out this fancy animals to roll them around the streets.



Jake Gyllenhaal, after Donnie Darko ruined his acting career, started a farm for adipose dogs. Which he is selling to his celebrity friends




This adipose dogs come in different colors and sizes (L, XL, XXL, XXL)

Genetically Engineered Torpedo-Dogs Rescue People From Under the Sea

Yesterday, a group of people who had been waiting to be rescued since the Titanic sunk were finally rescued from their sea jail by genetically engineered Torpedo-Dogs. Scottish scientist are very glad that the first trial to see these dogs interacting with nature was amazingly successful; "THE FUTURE IS NOW." These dogs are also GPS enabled.

Much debate has been made about the possible belligerent uses of this creatures. Some people say that they might become a threat for humanity, citizen from Indiana said "I am afraid to be in a world like the Matrix, but instead of computers Dachshund dogs would dominate."



Researchers say that soon this dogs will be able to communicate verbally with humans. Here is a prototype of their future plans.



Photo credits: http://www.komonews.com/news/offbeat/97947199.html
http://www.thisnext.com/show/item-images/B94C0E07/5CF39F32/